Category Archives: Tampa

Be somebody instead of somebody’s.

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Three months ago I became a single woman.
After 11 months I had to do one of the hardest acts, and simply walk away from a man that I once loved.
Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is accept the absence of happiness in a relationship. Which is what had happened to us.
We were simply existing near each other, the passion and effort had not only become nonexistent, but grudges began to take root. We became shadows in each others daily lives.
Our pride and egos caused us to deny any type of struggle. We slowly began to fade from each others hearts.

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But don’t worry baby, grudges are a waste of perfect happiness, and I won’t blame anyone for what happened in the past.
Life is moving forward, and I have so much living ahead of me. Why would I blame one person for what happened in the past?
He had never hurt me.
It just wasn’t right.
We weren’t right.
And that’s perfectly okay.

Sometimes in relationships we don’t want to be found as the one that gave up, so we slowly disappear.
Only when the relationship comes to an end do we reappear again, because no one came looking for us.
(In my head this makes sense)
The choices I made, I did that for me. When you think about it, life truly begins when you allow your curiosity for the extraordinary to run wild. Which is exactly what my life is leading towards.

I refuse to search for someone to fill the void that Bucky filled. We as humans are surprisingly strong, and are capable of learning so much, not only about the world around us, but about ourselves. We are complex creatures. At times we don’t even fully understand our own emotions or actions.
In my own opinion, I feel that when you are in a serious relationship, the ability to learn about yourself becomes stunted. It is difficult find out the type of person you are when you are spending your time seeking validation from your significant other.
It is so unhealthy when we don’t give ourselves time to be somebody, instead of somebody’s.

Self Pity is Poisonous.

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Certainly the most destructive vice that a person can have, more than pride (which is supposedly the number one of the cardinal sins), is self pity.20130803-110629.jpg
Self pity will ruin a person.
Will ruin a relationship.
Will ruin a friendship.
Will ruin your own metal stability.
Self-pity is the gift that keeps on robbing. The Black Plague of attitudes, a poisonous leech attached to one’s heart.
It is an acid which eats holes in not only your happiness, but everyone that associates with you.
Self-pity takes away the strength needed to escape the predicaments you’re in.
I’ve never been one for expressing self pity. Truthfully one of the biggest peeves I have is watching someone flounder in their own.
Complaining about where you are in life is the first toe-dip into the wide world of self-pity.
Make some damn changes.

Right now in my life I am struggling with something I don’t fully understand.
Yet when I do come to understand it a little better, I’ll be back to dig deeper into the cause and meaning of this struggle.

But for now, I’ll continue to open up to friends I don’t know, and men I’ve never met.

Reckless and Brave.

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I’ve come to learn that I’m pretty fearless when it comes to almost every situation in life.
Two years ago I packed up and drove 3 hours to spend the weekend with a man I had never met.
Two months ago I packed up and drove 2 hours to spend 24 hours with a man I had spoken to once at a concert.
And yesterday I drove 2 hours to see yet another man I admire in a band (shocker).

It was quiet possibly the most reckless thing I’ve done in a while. Band guys are notorious for having their way with women. But I walked away with my dignity and some amazing stories.
But when I got home my roommate was in tears. I realized that never in my life have I had someone truly worry about me. Worry enough to stay up all night and lose sleep over my decisions.
Wow… Really? I’ve never had someone worry about me as much as her?
That’s so unbelievable. When she sat there crying and telling me how worried she was, I was completely stunned. How could someone worry for me? But Im so careless. I’m such a spur of the moment person.
Why would someone put themselves though the heartache of worrying for me?

It was a real eye opener. That’s for sure.

Chicks on Boards.

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We all have things we turn too when we’re going through hard times.20130621-142431.jpg
Alcohol, friends, sex, or if you’re me, you go skateboarding. Sadly while I was going through difficulties with my ex boyfriend, I managed to snap my last board.
The first thing I was set on getting as soon as I moved to Tampa was a new board, and why not a longboard since it is Tampa I was moving to.
Yesterday I purchased my first Sector 9 longboard. And I’ve spent every free moment I have on it. Finally I feel like I’m back to the person I was before Asheville.
Finally getting back to being myself again and doing what I love.

She was Land Locked.

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Today marks my first month calling Tampa, home.
One month. It is definitely a good sign that I’ve made it this long.
I figured that if I was going to fail, I would have done it by now.
But here I am, living and thriving!
And dear heaven do I love it here.
I love the over sized lizards that greet you every time you walk out the door. The snakes and bugs that disappear as fast as they appear.
Taking cold showers every single day without question.
Sweating if not all day, at least once everyday.
The feel of air conditioner hitting your face the moment you enter any building or home.
These are the things I love. The things I’ve dreamed of having since I was a child.
Today I read that God likes to outdo himself. His dream for your life is so much bigger than your own.
He is going to take you places that you never thought possible, open up doors that you never imagined to be unlocked.
He’s going to bring talent out of you that you didn’t even know you had.
This is when I get excited about my future!

My destiny is not determined by the economy, how I was raised, or my education.
My destiny is determined by Almighty God. Look at where he has brought me!

A Quick Listen.

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I’m sitting down today without much inspiration to write to. I find it difficult to be inspired when I don’t have something I feel necessary to complain about. I realize that now I am settling into a place I love, with all the happiness I could ask for, it will take a toll on my writing.
What do you write about when everything is astounding? It’s interesting how I dont like to brag about my life, yet I have no problem complaining. In writing, that is.
It has been 7 weeks since I’ve been in a relationship.
It has been 6 weeks since I kissed a man.
And it has been so long since I was seriouslyinterested in anyone romantically.
For some, this seems like nothing to make a big deal about. But mind you, this is the longest I’ve ever gone without an emotional tie to someone. I’ve learned through experience that jumping from one relationship to another is just not giving yourself time to heal.
Time to figure out what went wrong and how can you avoid it.
It’s important to have that alone time, and to focus on yourself and no one else.

I’ve come to learn this in my mistakes.

Home is where the bullshit is.

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For a substantial number of years, I have been living out of my car, or a suitcase, or on a couch, or in someones spare bedroom. For the majority of my adult life, I have chose to live in these conditions. I have never minded it, no matter how sad it sounds.

I’ve just always been running away.tumblr_mnerwn17OQ1qk1jiqo1_500
Driving away.
Putting more distance between me and my emotional tie I had with a man.
Constantly on the running from a relationship I ended.
Why am I like this? Why do I love to run away? I can honestly say I don’t even understand my own reasoning.

I moved out of my parents house when I was 17 years old, and since then I haven’t managed to spent more than 11 months in one place. Even the last home I lived in, where I was suppose to let myself settle and make a life in, I had to force myself to hang things up and try and get comfortable, because I knew I wouldn’t be there long.

Home is where the heart is. Home is wherever I’m with you. This is a house, not a home.

Do you know how many times I’ve fed those lines? How many times I’ve NOT felt at home. It’s unbelievable that at 21 years old, I am still living out of a suitcase and boxes…

… and I’m not on tour.

Disguised as Rain.

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In the two weeks of my preparing to leave North Carolina, the heavens had opened up and wept with me.
Perpetual tears rolled down my cheeks, that were always hidden by the rain that covered Asheville.
Cruel rain.
Unstoppable rain.
Rain that fell without remorse.
Rain had become the symbol of our breakup.

Today in Tampa, while we ran our errands and bought our groceries, the sky’s turned black, and the winds blew palm trees with full force.
We all stated the obvious.
Rain was soon to come. As soon as we pull in the driveway, plump drops of rain descend. I rush to the mailbox, bags in hand.
When women normally run for shelter, we smiled and laughed.
“The smell!” my bestfriend yelled over the beautiful sound of rain surrounding us, “Can you smell that, Annie? The smell of the rain!”
I was caught up in the moment.
That is the smell before the rain? That’s the so called petrichor, the scent of rain on dry earth?
We stood out there for a moment, “That smell,” I blurted out, “We don’t have that smell in North Carolina. That smell don’t even exist there.”
“Really? That’s funny.” She laughed as she proceeded to unlock the front door, and the air conditioned room hit our faces.
I spend the majority of the time going from window to window, watching the most beautiful rain take place.
The rain was literally easy on the eyes. It was calm and collected. It didnt feel like a punishment or a reminder of my heartache, but the perfect opportunity to play beautiful music and have long talks with my close friends.

Things are slowly changing.
Everything life is throwing at me is beautiful, sincere and breathtaking.

Your Typical Tampa Bar Experience.

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As two single women, me made the decision most single women make on a Friday night.
We were going to make dairy free milkshakes, watch Musicals, and dye our hair.
But of course, last minute we were ripped away from our plans of being social inverts, to going to one of the local Taverns.
Me being the fresh Tampa meat, I was the wingman for my gorgeous room mate.
Yes, I was Goose and she was Maverick, and we both wore our leather and heels in honor of that.
But clothing set aside, we meet up with the lads at the bar.
Greetings are made and drinks are divided among us.
And even though I wanted to follow one of the servers/bartenders around all day if he would have let me, I had not ordered a drink.
Topics were in dire need, but of course the first thing people want to do is talk about my tattoos. roll eyes.
Turns out that the man I was standing across from had “Allons-y” tattooed across his foot (a very nerdy Dr. Who reference).
So I slipped of my heels to show him my Dr. Who “Bowties are cool”, socks I happen to be wearing.
OUT OF NOWHERE!
The most heated drunken hour long rant between 5 men and myself pointing and yelling at eachother, arose from the depths of Mordor.
We touched the heated topics of Star Trek, Star Wars, Dr. Who, Iron Man, The Hulk, Superman, Spiderman, Marvel Comics, JJ Abrams, The Avengers, all Comics in general, Disney’s approach to Star Wars… Ext.
After about 30 minutes of us screaming over eachother, the owner of the comic book store yells “STOP!” We all come to a
Screeching halt.
“I have never, in all my years, seen a girl so passionate about these things.”
My throat was so sore, yet I managed to let out the biggest laugh.
By the end of the night that man had made multiple calls to managers, and promised to find me a job, possibly two, at two of the best paying restaurants in my area.
“Wow, nerds really look out for nerds.” I laughed as we exchanged numbers.

I am getting along so well here. This is becoming more and more my home every day.

The Naked and New.

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This morning I opened my eyes to a completely different world.
My life routine has been officially compromised and nothing will ever be the same again.
This faithful morning at 7:00am I awoke in Odessa, FL. About 20 minutes away from Tampa, my new home.
Last night I made the grueling 12 hour drive with all of my earthly possessions, toward the unknown and unsure.
I stepped 12 hours out of my comfort zone and into a world of possibilities.
My morning shower was slightly longer than usual, I washed and scrubbed and cleaning off every speck of what might have been left there from my past life. The life I was living in North Carolina. The unhappiness foamed up on my body in forms of soap bubbles, every pore was being washed clean of every unhappy night spent in a place that I never truly felt at home in.

Here I am. Facing this new world head on. I have zero worries, what could I possibly worry about with my Lord on my side. God has grabbed me tightly around the heart in a matter of a week (soon I will be able to tell that amazing story).
My new focus is on my new life that I have begun to build and form.
I am molding who I want to be for the remainder of my days.

This is it. Here I am.
Diving head first into the most beautiful pool of unknown.
What could possibly be more exciting?