Where I Belong.

It’s funny how after so many years of feeling out of place and unhappy where I was, to be living somewhere where I am continuously overwhelmed with happiness, is such a refreshing feeling.
I truly feel that I belong here.
I truly feel that this is where I was meant to be.
After spending a week in North Carolina a few day ago, I realized how much I couldn’t help but dwell over everything while I was there.
I was constantly upset and distraught. I couldn’t get my mind off my exes and my old friends and everything that caused heartache and struggle in my life.
I only cried once, and if only my father could have understood that it wasn’t him that was causing the tears, but the pain that I had built up in my heart in a matter of 6 days.
It was actually painful to be there.
My heart constantly ached.

It’s good to know I made the right choice. Life here is so beautiful.


The Naked and New.

This morning I opened my eyes to a completely different world.
My life routine has been officially compromised and nothing will ever be the same again.
This faithful morning at 7:00am I awoke in Odessa, FL. About 20 minutes away from Tampa, my new home.
Last night I made the grueling 12 hour drive with all of my earthly possessions, toward the unknown and unsure.
I stepped 12 hours out of my comfort zone and into a world of possibilities.
My morning shower was slightly longer than usual, I washed and scrubbed and cleaning off every speck of what might have been left there from my past life. The life I was living in North Carolina. The unhappiness foamed up on my body in forms of soap bubbles, every pore was being washed clean of every unhappy night spent in a place that I never truly felt at home in.

Here I am. Facing this new world head on. I have zero worries, what could I possibly worry about with my Lord on my side. God has grabbed me tightly around the heart in a matter of a week (soon I will be able to tell that amazing story).
My new focus is on my new life that I have begun to build and form.
I am molding who I want to be for the remainder of my days.

This is it. Here I am.
Diving head first into the most beautiful pool of unknown.
What could possibly be more exciting?

Austin Carlile called. He said stop stalking him.

Its been a while since I’ve felt the stab of regret, but I’ve been seriously regretting missing the OM&M concert last week.

I mean shit.. I was  practically getting ready when I decided otherwise. Why? I dont know. Obviously because I’m mentally insane.

Im so frustrated about it actually. I guess thats pretty stupid of me.

I could have seen Austin Carlile, and Kellin Quinn again.. I’ve been listening to nothing but, lately. Uh. What an idiot I am. Never again.

I’ve also come to realize today, how much my boyfriend LOOKS like Austin.

Slightly creepy. Slightly explains why I wanna jump his bones all the time.

When your life completely changes.

It sounds a little more drastic than it really is. It really isnt a big deal. I just flushed away the life I was living for the past 20 years. Completely threw it away, never to be lived again. . . even if I had to, I could never go back to the way life use to be..

Yeah you’re right. That sounds wicked dramatic. But this was exactly what I had been dreaming of doing since I was a child.

In July of 2012, I had become the first person in my family to pack up her bags, leave Franklin North Carolina, and create a new life. And might I add that never in my life would I have seen this coming.  All I ever wanted to do, for as long as I can remember, was join the Air Force and travel the world. I really didnt know exactly what I was expecting to get out of the Air Force, but I always knew that was what I
was going to once I graduated college. I also had big dreams of moving to the beach, because I’m not allergic to the trees there.  I have been saving huge chunks of my money since I was 14 to do that very thing. Move away from Franklin. I had been preparing for seven years to get out of there, and not once did I ever picture it being with a man. It didnt matter who I was dating, I always knew I would be moving, and I always pictured myself alone. I dont know how it managed to work itself out this way, but somehow, I met a man.

I met a man by the name of Bucky, on the very day I was going to take the ASVAB (Which is the test you must take to join the military). Looking back on that day I probably should have seen that as God punching me in the forehead and saying, “you idiot, your not REALLY joining the military.” But I just saw it as a unexpected surprise in my life. We didnt enjoy talking about me shipping off, we actually dodged the conversation most of the time. But he always assured me that he was willing to stick around as I traveled the world and risked my life. I never once thought a man would have changed my plans of the military, and I honestly don’t think he intended to.

Today I am living in the nicest home I’ve probably ever lived in. I have a difficult job that I never pictured myself doing, working in a doctors office, and I love it to death. I am in the greatest relationship I could have ever been blessed with, and I am living with the most extraordinary person I have ever met.

Life has never been so beautiful, and all I had to do was pick up and leave that town. It’s crazy how things just fell into place the way they did. Things couldnt have worked out more perfectly.