I am a Closet Christian.

My walk with The Lord is like sleep, slowly, and then all at once.
I once explained my relationship with Christ as a rollercoaster, going from being on fire for The Lord, screaming his name from the rooftops, to almost hiding the fact that he is my father.
20130807-094954.jpgIt’s a terrible and terrifying game that I am not proud of. I struggle so much with this portion of my life, more than anything in the world.
I never question him, yet I constantly question myself. Everyone else seems more knowledgeable and more dedicated.
I need to be taught.
I want to learn.
I hunger for his word and to praise him.

The Lord said “I, the One whom all blessings flow, am also bless by our time together. This is a deep mystery, do not try to fathom it.”
So to break this down, The Lord himself is thankful for the time that we spend together, as little as it might be. He is well aware that this is difficult to grasp, but thats okay. Don’t try to analyze and over think it.
Just know that it is true.

Precious Lord, I surrender my questions and doubt, I surrender my past, I surrender my need to have all the answers and choose to trust that You have all the answers. I will wait on Your timing to reveal Your ways to me and choose to press forward into the destiny You have prepared for me in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Where I Belong.

It’s funny how after so many years of feeling out of place and unhappy where I was, to be living somewhere where I am continuously overwhelmed with happiness, is such a refreshing feeling.
I truly feel that I belong here.
I truly feel that this is where I was meant to be.
After spending a week in North Carolina a few day ago, I realized how much I couldn’t help but dwell over everything while I was there.
I was constantly upset and distraught. I couldn’t get my mind off my exes and my old friends and everything that caused heartache and struggle in my life.
I only cried once, and if only my father could have understood that it wasn’t him that was causing the tears, but the pain that I had built up in my heart in a matter of 6 days.
It was actually painful to be there.
My heart constantly ached.

It’s good to know I made the right choice. Life here is so beautiful.

Someone get this girl a smile!

I kind of jinxed myself when I named my Blog “The DAILY Barefoot”. Obviously I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to keep up with the façade of updating everyday. Well to be perfectly honest I’ve been in absolutely no mood this past month. I felt like I was repeating myself over and over again.
I’m upset, I don’t know why.
I’m fine, I don’t know why I was so upset.
I’m upset again, things never get better.
I’m fine, thing will get better.
I was just getting annoyed with myself for repeating over and over. Everytime I started to write, it just tossed my phone aside in frustration.
Well after a good month of not updating, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need some serious. Major. Joke free. CHANGES.
I’m not kidding, a girl can only hate what her life is turning into so much.
I thought my life in college was at a holding point, well shit this is a million times worse than college.
I’m doing nothing with my life, and I don’t like the place I’m living.
I need to move. I need to get away from the mountains. I need to go to a place where it is always warm and there are many many people to distract me.
My bestfriend and I were stalking shit back and forth as we usually do. I mentioned that I’ve never worked out so much in my life, and he answered me with the most obvious answer that I had been ignoring for the longer time..

Well yeah… It’s because you’re so depressed all the time.

Bam. Punch to face. Someone other than me sees it. I’m not just crazy, something is seriously wrong.
So I’m going to start slowly making changes to my life until I am back to being content and happy with my life… Like I’ve ALWAYS been.
I’m ready to be happy again.