Category Archives: Tampa

Much thanks, very full

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“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more.  If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”

My eyes opened at 9:20 Thanksgiving morning. I immediately roll over my boyfriend, full weight, body sprawled.image

Thanks to the fact that we went out the night before, to support my coworker’s birthday at an insane party/rave, that our old 24 year old bodies were not able to handle – Brad promptly awoken with a hangover.
PERFECT! I finally am the one taking care of HIS headache instead of the other way around. Pancakes are made, kayak rentals are called, and plans are brewing!

We drove to Tampa, we took pictures on the beach, we ate guacamole, and goat cheese, and ramen, and cabbage soup. Then at 5pm, Brad had to tuck his blue shirt in and make his way to Best Buy, to probably the worst shift he is ever going to have at work. I understand BlackFriday, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay with it. And now, at 7:30 pm, I’m watching stand up comedy and so thankful for this entire, stress free, drama less, loveful Thanksgiving.image

This Thanksgiving was different from every other Thanksgiving we ever experienced, but it was close, and full of joy, and eachother.
I couldnt be more grateful for this day we can look back on and say,
“Heh, remember when we were 24 and poor and in so much love.”

 

 

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You may now kick the Bride.

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DSC_1708 According to Wikipedia, bridezilla (a neologistic portmanteau of bride and Godzilla) is a difficult, unpleasant, perfectionist bride who leaves irritated family, friends and bridal vendors in her wake. She is often called greedy, selfish and spoiled, not caring about the people that she hurts to get exactly what she wants on her perfect day.

A  year ago, I became a maid-of-honor.

Notice how I chose my words carefully, because I was not asked to be a maid-of-honor, nor was it my my bestfriend. I was told that I was going to be the maid-of-honor by a woman who has really no friends.

This experience was one of the most terrible and stressful experiences of my life.

I found myself cursing love. I found myself a doormat. I found myself sobbing in the arms of the man I hope to one day marry, and yelling that I would never have my own wedding. DSC_1679

After the heartless wedding ended, I cut myself from the bride and groom completely.

Still, three months later, I have yet to speak a word to them.

Never let the poisonous people in your life take control. Get out, get away, and never look back. Forgive them, but never look back.

 

Brad

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DSC_0799I can’t picture my life without Brad. He’s ultimately become a part of me, after so many years of relationships, friendships, benefitships, awkwardships, and infatuationships, he’s my someone I couldn’t see myself without.DSC_0754

The way his work shirts always smell of his cologne, no matter how dirty or clean they are.

The way I hear him call me ‘sweet angel’ in the mornings when he leaves for work, even without me opening my eyes.
The way he opens every door, and kisses me every morning. The way he always warns me if he is going to sleep facing away from me. The way he brings me breakfast just to get me up to spend time with him. The way he knows how I like my tea and coffee, better than I know myself.

imageHe is my ultimate dream man. The man I use to always compare men to. The man I use to write about and dream about.

“I look for you in everyone”

I would write constantly.

Brad was my high school sweetheart. He was the first relationship I found myself in when I started school for the first time. I was known as “the girl that wouldn’t love”, yet he loved me unconditionally.

The first relationship that involved love, passion, selflessness, and highschool. After a few years of working together, living together, and our teenage jealousy issues, Brad and I broke up. Which could be considered the hardest and most emotional breakup of my life.

Brad went one direction in life, and I went another. Running into eachother seldomly thanks to the fact that we lived in a 4 mile long town.

After years of us growing, and changing, we were at a point to where we were IMG_3589good friends; and then better friends; and then even better friends; and then in a “no commitment” long distance relationship; and then he’s moving 600 miles away from our hometown to be with me.

Brad has always been the man to sacrifice everything for my happiness, and this time is was moving to Florida, away from his entire family, to be with me.

The big Move

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A new home is like a new beginning. It gives you the same feeling the New Year gives you, imagewhen January 1st rolls around, and you’re flushed with the fictitious feeling that you can start fresh thanks to the date on the calendar.
Moving to a new home gives the the same perception. Any belongings that you feel unnecessary or cluttering, you dispose of. The things you find valuable, you wrap carefully and bring it with you.

Two weeks ago we stepped into our new home, and was able to call it ours

We were given the feeling of a new beginning, and the realization that even with all of our belongings combinded, we owned very little.
Sleeping in a hammock as our bed, and eating on the floor was an exciting start to our new lives on 60th street.

You cant spell “manipulation” without “man”.

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Relationships are often imbalanced. Usually with one person feeling more, while the other does not. I happen to find myself in a very unbalanced relationship as of 2 weeks ago.

Lets reminisce. Remember that one time when I said to myself.. hmm, life is far too easy and comfortable. I would love to find the most absolute needy and insane man, with utmost baggage, a horrible temper, the ability to lie about anything and everything, the incapability to trust, cynical, conceded, two faced, hungry for pity, thirsty for attention, and the need to control your every moment. After we have found him, lets have him stay in my home for two months straight. Consider it a science experiment.

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Now, two months later and I look back. My friends were days away from holding an intervention to get me out, and even his own friends treat me with more respect now that its over. They watched me be manipulated for 2 months. Everything I loved and cared for was put on hold.

This was the first man I chose to date when I moved out to Florida. I brushed away all other attempts from men, and chose this one. Luckily I never went through any serious denial concerning whether he was the right guy for me or not. I knew damn well after two weeks that this constant struggle that we were calling a “relationship” was simply biding its time. He stubbornly hung onto me, and refused to let me go. Countless times I told him to leave, and countless times he refused. It was the most mentally draining relationship I had ever gotten myself into.

I definitely cant say I had a good time. He didn’t teach me anything except to stay far away from the crazies with baggage, and he didn’t give me anything except for a cactus named “Burrito”.

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Why. Why did I do that. Was it all the things he said to me? Was it all the lies and promises that seemed so surreal that they had to be true. Fortunately I learned very quickly that someone trying to control me at such an unbelievable extent, was not my type. After two weeks together, I had every bad thing that could happen, happen. My anxiety was at an all time high, and my luck was at an all time low. Everything was going wrong, and all I had was this mentally unstable man who spent all his time trying to convince me that we were a team, and we were going to get through everything together.

The very next day after we broke up, I managed to buy myself the exact car that I wanted, and only days after that I was hired at my dream job. Suddenly everything was beautiful again. I had my friends back, and I was doing the things I enjoyed again.

Unbelievable. Completely unbelievable.

Single. It’s so simple.

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While trying to be perfect for someone else, you end up losing yourself the most.
I learned this during nine years of multiple serious relationships. Even though I’ve never been one that needed a man in my life, I always found myself jumping from one serious relationship to another. Each man offering me his heart, his life, marriage, a family, and basically everything a girl might want.
Mind you, I am 22 years old, and in those 22 years, I felt like I learned the most about myself when I was 20 and single for about 3 months. That’s as long as I lasted before I found my way back into the arms of my ex.

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Today I am nine beautiful months single. My stress dwindles away more and more each day. Since the last time I visited North Carolina, things have been getting better and better and better. Money in flowing in faster, my routine is becoming more comforting, my health is strong, my love life is pure. I can’t think of anything that could make things better.
Ever since I plucked the negative from my life, nothing but blessings have surrounded me. I’m so lucky.

As I said last year.

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I enjoyed going back and reading my post from this day last year. The coldest December I can ever remember, December 2012.

But now today, on December thirty-first 2013, things are a little different — It id the very last day I will ever spend in 2013. It’s over guys, and I’d like to officially declare this year:

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The astounding year of firsts
On firsts
On firsts
On firsts

I’m living the 20’s life! The life of constant excitement and entertainment! There is rarely a dull moment, and even those dull moments are simply considered peaceful, beautiful, and full of blessings.
My post last year was so full of heart ache and anger, yet I was proud of the changes I had made, yet it was quiet obvious that I wasn’t happy with those changes.
But hot damn look at me now!
God is a strategic God, you must never forget that, no matter how long and bumpy the ride gets.
This year I have chosen to forget the grudges and heartache that I found myself dealing with in the past. You may wonder, “How can you forget something that’s happened to you?” But one definition of the word forget is to disregard intentionally or to overlook.
In other words, you have to choose to disregard your nasty past so that it doesn’t keep you from moving forward. That means the good and the bad. Sometimes our past victories keep us from rising higher as much as past failures.
If we don’t let go of the old, we’ll never be able to embrace the new.
It doesn’t matter what’s happened in your history, it’s time to forget what lies behind.

Today is the perfect day to make the choice to live forward. Trust that God has a better future in store for you. Trust that He’s working behind the scenes on your behalf. As you forget what lies behind and press forward, you’ll move forward. You’ll see increase and blessing and live the abundant life He has in store for you!

Pruning your life.

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“He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful” (John 15:2, NIV)

In life, we all go through a pruning process. God will prune our lives so that we can bear much fruit. To “prune” means something is cut away, something is removed. In other words, maybe a good friend, maybe you moved to another city, or maybe a relationship went a different direction.

God knows what you need in your life in order to grow and flourish. Sometimes when things happen that we don’t understand, we have to just trust that He is working behind the scenes preparing you for increase, preparing you to go to another level. Don’t put a question mark where God has placed a period.

When you’re going through transition, don’t get bitter. Don’t get down and think it’s the end. Don’t start thinking that you’re a failure. Have the attitude, “God, I let this go knowing that it was only temporary provision, and what You have in my future will be greater than what I’m letting go of.”

The oral surgery blues.

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It’s day three post oral surgery!

I’ve officially taken my last hydrocodone, and trying to analyze the situation before I “sober up” and start feeling pain again.

In these three days –
I’ve had a man bring me a huge stuffed Chewbacca and Star Trek: Into the darkness. Which we watched, and he found it hilarious that I slept through the entire movie (drugs), but only woke up to talk crap about curtain scenes that they messed up on.
I told him to read my blog.
The Savannah’s have taken better care of me than I ever remember being taken care of.
I mean, in my entire life.
They wake me up every 6 hours (which include 1am and 7am) to help me take my medicine. They have bought me soup, Gatorade, icecream, and not to mention PAID FOR MY SURGERY.
They’ve returned RedBox movies Chris brought over, and filled uncountable bags of ice for my face.
In my entire life I never thought I would have not only one, but two friends that put me before themselves. I couldn’t feel more blessed than I do now. I honestly have no words for how important these girls are in my life. I never would have made it through this surgery without them.