I Don’t Miss You.

I feel good all the time.
Constantly.
I think it’s because I’ve been doing a lot of drinking lately.
Day drinking, night drinking.
Am I coping for something? Am I trying to blur you out? I remember you; But only in short painful bursts – like as if you set your phasers from kill to stun.

This isn’t easy. I know I come off as this being easy for me, baby, this is so hard.
The amount of times I’ve brought you up today is absolutely pathetic.

Someday I’ll know why I wasn’t meant for you. Someday I’ll know why you didn’t fight for me.

But I hope that you find the right one.
I hope she loves you for the weird way you brush your teeth and for the way you love the smell of cinnamon brooms.
I hope she makes sure you take your medication, and cooks you breakfast on Saturday mornings.
I hope she likes Mexican food and watching shows on Netflix.
I hope she knows that your lips shake when your upset, and that you will always, no matter what, open the car door for her.
I sincerely hope.

I don’t miss you. I don’t miss anything.

Reckless and Brave.

I’ve come to learn that I’m pretty fearless when it comes to almost every situation in life.
Two years ago I packed up and drove 3 hours to spend the weekend with a man I had never met.
Two months ago I packed up and drove 2 hours to spend 24 hours with a man I had spoken to once at a concert.
And yesterday I drove 2 hours to see yet another man I admire in a band (shocker).

It was quiet possibly the most reckless thing I’ve done in a while. Band guys are notorious for having their way with women. But I walked away with my dignity and some amazing stories.
But when I got home my roommate was in tears. I realized that never in my life have I had someone truly worry about me. Worry enough to stay up all night and lose sleep over my decisions.
Wow… Really? I’ve never had someone worry about me as much as her?
That’s so unbelievable. When she sat there crying and telling me how worried she was, I was completely stunned. How could someone worry for me? But Im so careless. I’m such a spur of the moment person.
Why would someone put themselves though the heartache of worrying for me?

It was a real eye opener. That’s for sure.