Waiting is Toxic.

Do you realize that you spend most of your life waiting. What could we possibly be waiting so long for.
Waiting for things to get better, get easier, get warmer, get colder?
Waiting for happiness, for love, for a sign, for a push?
I had an epiphany when I was 21 years old. I realized that I had spent the winter writing about how things would get better, yet excepting the fact that the way things were, was the way things would always be.
After far too long, I decided to finally put myself first. I decided to start living life to the very fullest I could possibly live it.
In two weeks time I had quit my job, packed up everything I owned, and moved 800 miles away in a little black Ford Focus.
I have a history of apologizing for not only my emotions and my every action – yet I cant seem to bring myself to apologize for taking off. I left every family, friend, and lover, to start new in a place I barely knew – But I had to get away.

20130819-121046.jpg Everyone needs to understand that not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly.
Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic to us because their way of living forces us to compromise who we are, what we love, and our all around happiness. They aren’t inherently bad people, but they aren’t the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go.

Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your wellbeing a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful — you have every right to leave and create a happier life for yourself.

Those people may resent you, but one day they will understand. It takes nothing but time.

Reckless and Brave.

I’ve come to learn that I’m pretty fearless when it comes to almost every situation in life.
Two years ago I packed up and drove 3 hours to spend the weekend with a man I had never met.
Two months ago I packed up and drove 2 hours to spend 24 hours with a man I had spoken to once at a concert.
And yesterday I drove 2 hours to see yet another man I admire in a band (shocker).

It was quiet possibly the most reckless thing I’ve done in a while. Band guys are notorious for having their way with women. But I walked away with my dignity and some amazing stories.
But when I got home my roommate was in tears. I realized that never in my life have I had someone truly worry about me. Worry enough to stay up all night and lose sleep over my decisions.
Wow… Really? I’ve never had someone worry about me as much as her?
That’s so unbelievable. When she sat there crying and telling me how worried she was, I was completely stunned. How could someone worry for me? But Im so careless. I’m such a spur of the moment person.
Why would someone put themselves though the heartache of worrying for me?

It was a real eye opener. That’s for sure.

The Plateau.

My best friends and I were texting today……

Now a little back ground on where by best friend is at in her life.. my best friend is one of the many military wives of San Diego. She moved to San Diego the same time I moved to Asheville, roughly 6 months ago. We had both moved to be with the one we loved (Although I cant really compare to what she has gone through, because she moved across country to be with her husband, and I moved an hour to be with by boyfriend of 4 months). IMG_1144Her husband has been deployed for roughly 4 months now, and he will still be deployed for 4 more months. She has moved for the first time in her adult life to the farthest point away without crossing an ocean, she moved without friends or family, and her husband shipped off in a matter of a few weeks after practically dropping her of in California. My best friend is one of the strongest women I’ve ever come to know.

Today we were discussing how we are both going through a point in our lives that is very plateau. We are both struggling pretty bad with keeping smiles on our faces, we’re both having a hard time pushing ourselves to get up every morning and convince ourselves its for a good reason.To think that our doors are exactly 2,331 miles (34 hours) apart from eachother, I feel like we are still sitting across the table from eachother, with our heavy hearts, in our favorite little restaurant in our old little town, ranting about our everyday lives and fixing eachothers problems with simple and honest advice.

We are both hoping that this little rough patch wears off. I just wish I was with her, so we could both rant about out problems, and then fix them with simple and honest advice…

New Years… abridged.

I can honestly say that this New Years was completely different to how I normally spend my New Years.. Yelling and screaming with a drink in my hand and a couple dozen of my closest intoxicated friends. This year I actually watched the ball drop, I had only my boyfriend and our two good friends with me. I cooked hot wings, Guacamole, and salsa instead of bringing whiskey and noise makers. Ha! If 20 year old me could see me now, I would have rolled my eyes at me and call me an old vagina. I would have been right. hahaha

A step by step of my New Year Eve.
DSC_9104Beverages prepared.

DSC_9108Pico de Gallo + Guacamole made.

DSC_9113Hookah smoked.

DSC_9103Countdown made (Taylor and Mickey Lottes)

DSC_9131StarWars watched.

DSC_9136Battle Royal!