Home is where the bullshit is.

For a substantial number of years, I have been living out of my car, or a suitcase, or on a couch, or in someones spare bedroom. For the majority of my adult life, I have chose to live in these conditions. I have never minded it, no matter how sad it sounds.

I’ve just always been running away.tumblr_mnerwn17OQ1qk1jiqo1_500
Driving away.
Putting more distance between me and my emotional tie I had with a man.
Constantly on the running from a relationship I ended.
Why am I like this? Why do I love to run away? I can honestly say I don’t even understand my own reasoning.

I moved out of my parents house when I was 17 years old, and since then I haven’t managed to spent more than 11 months in one place. Even the last home I lived in, where I was suppose to let myself settle and make a life in, I had to force myself to hang things up and try and get comfortable, because I knew I wouldn’t be there long.

Home is where the heart is. Home is wherever I’m with you. This is a house, not a home.

Do you know how many times I’ve fed those lines? How many times I’ve NOT felt at home. It’s unbelievable that at 21 years old, I am still living out of a suitcase and boxes…

… and I’m not on tour.

50 things that most people don’t know about me.

  1. Toilet paper must be always facing outward.
  2. I can dance. Well.
  3. I love burnt popcorn.
  4. I always shake my soda before drinking.
  5. I’m a decent pool player.
  6. I collect Pokemon cards.
  7. I love driving long distances.
  8. I ran away from home when I was about seven. Came home for dinner.
  9. I adore horror movies.
  10. I hate tomatoes, but that’s probably the only thing I really hate eating.
  11. I always wanted to marry into a Greek family. I love the Greeks.
  12. In high school/college my hair was red, blonde, pink, ginger, and brown.
  13. I was in a serious car accident when I was about seventeen years old.
  14. My first kiss was while playing spin the bottle with my brother’s bestfriend.
  15. I love bars, clubs, concerts, and anywhere else there are huge crowds of nasty sweaty people rubbing up on everyone.
  16. I love movies, and quoting movies.
  17. My dream job was to be a photo journalist for the magazine “Black Belt”.
  18. I never celebrated Halloween until I was in college.
  19. I always dent the front of my coke cans.
  20. I love Zumba, even though I use to talk shit about it.
  21. My first pets were two lizards named Fred and George.
  22. I work in a doctors office and I am the youngest employee.
  23. I am the first person in my family to move out of Franklin in 20 years.
  24. While in college, my two close friends and I were nicknamed “Gutter Girls”, cause our heads are always in the gutter.
  25. I am a save-aholic.
  26. I got my first tattoo as soon as I turned 18, and then a new one every month for about 6 months.
  27. I have a total of 8 tattoos and a half sleeve.
  28. Everytime I breakup with someone, I get a piercing.
  29. My father is black. And you WILL offend me if you say the N word.
  30. My sperm donor is 100% Sicilian and I never met him.
  31. I am a Christian, and Jesus is my Lord.
  32. I have two very bestfriends, one lives in Southern California, and the other lives in Georgia.
  33. My food allergies consist of: sugars, dairy, meats, and gluten.
  34. I carry a backpack instead of a purse.
  35. I love swimming at night.
  36. I have never broken a bone.
  37. I was raised in a gym.
  38. I am a social butterfly.
  39. I absolutely adore making and bringing food for guys.
  40. My first job was at a Gem Mine.
  41. I have my black belt in American Kenpo Karate. I love the martial arts with all my heart.
  42. I hate the south and anything involving the south.
  43. I am rarely mad, but constantly disappointed.
  44. I’m not even slightly attracted to chiseled beefcake bros.
  45. I’m completely attracted to tattooed, gauged, band guys.
  46. I HATE living in the mountains.
  47. I only want to live on the beach one day.
  48. It took me about 4 months to finish this post.

Someone get this girl a smile!

I kind of jinxed myself when I named my Blog “The DAILY Barefoot”. Obviously I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to keep up with the façade of updating everyday. Well to be perfectly honest I’ve been in absolutely no mood this past month. I felt like I was repeating myself over and over again.
I’m upset, I don’t know why.
I’m fine, I don’t know why I was so upset.
I’m upset again, things never get better.
I’m fine, thing will get better.
I was just getting annoyed with myself for repeating over and over. Everytime I started to write, it just tossed my phone aside in frustration.
Well after a good month of not updating, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need some serious. Major. Joke free. CHANGES.
I’m not kidding, a girl can only hate what her life is turning into so much.
I thought my life in college was at a holding point, well shit this is a million times worse than college.
I’m doing nothing with my life, and I don’t like the place I’m living.
I need to move. I need to get away from the mountains. I need to go to a place where it is always warm and there are many many people to distract me.
My bestfriend and I were stalking shit back and forth as we usually do. I mentioned that I’ve never worked out so much in my life, and he answered me with the most obvious answer that I had been ignoring for the longer time..

Well yeah… It’s because you’re so depressed all the time.

Bam. Punch to face. Someone other than me sees it. I’m not just crazy, something is seriously wrong.
So I’m going to start slowly making changes to my life until I am back to being content and happy with my life… Like I’ve ALWAYS been.
I’m ready to be happy again.

She’s not dead yet.

Life has come to a standstill for the last 7 days. I’ve spent 95% of this week glued to my couch infront of the TV. I’ve managed to watch 5 seasons and 8 episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. I’ve eaten about 3 gallons of egg drop soup, 1 jar of apple sauce, and 10 cans of tomato soup. My entire world of constant work, gym, work , gym, work, gym…. has come to a stand still. My body aches, and I feel absolutely worthless… not just physically worthless, mentally worthless. I look around me, and it’s driving me insane. I cant fix anything. I cant get comfortable. I’m going insane. All the little things are eating me up. I need to get away.

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Everything use to be so picture perfect, I use to have unlimited time for myself. If I wanted to tan, or get my nails done, or spend 400$ on a brand new phone because I was tired of my old one… shit, I could do it. I never had money problems and the only stress I had was college. I was living on my own, by myself, for a year. I went to be every night at 11, I kept my house spotless, I watched horror movies every night, and I would write in my journal as often as I could.

Now adays I spend more of my time talking about what had been instead of what is. I have nothing impressing to talk about. Nothing interesting or funny, or exciting had happened to me in pretty long time. I miss it.

New Years… abridged.

I can honestly say that this New Years was completely different to how I normally spend my New Years.. Yelling and screaming with a drink in my hand and a couple dozen of my closest intoxicated friends. This year I actually watched the ball drop, I had only my boyfriend and our two good friends with me. I cooked hot wings, Guacamole, and salsa instead of bringing whiskey and noise makers. Ha! If 20 year old me could see me now, I would have rolled my eyes at me and call me an old vagina. I would have been right. hahaha

A step by step of my New Year Eve.
DSC_9104Beverages prepared.

DSC_9108Pico de Gallo + Guacamole made.

DSC_9113Hookah smoked.

DSC_9103Countdown made (Taylor and Mickey Lottes)

DSC_9131StarWars watched.

DSC_9136Battle Royal!

Numb.

I’m in no mood to talk. I’m in no mood to think. I’m in to mood to argue or laugh or give a single fuck right now. I’m in no mood to even write this. I unexpectedly had a very eye past couple of days. Without even trying, I have learned a lot about myself this week. It might have been because of the stress of Christmas, and it finally ending. I’m honestly in no mood to even analyze my emotions at this point. 

 

Santa is a rich bastard.

I think every year I expect the Christmas season to run smoothly, no stress, no money problems, no worrying about if enough gifts were bought for whoever I feel deserved the most for loving me. But damn cookies and milk, every year I’m wrong. This year especially. I’m finding myself so stupidly stressed out by the holidays this year, that I’m wondering when life went from “wooo bring on the gifts bitches!” to “Holy titties I have no idea what my crazy family wants.” The shortage of money and the urge to buy my friends/family/boyfriend everything I can possibly get my hands on, is not helping either. I’m honestly just ready for it to be over. Only one more week to go and then I can hopefully breath a little slower and wipe away my stress tears. Maybe even get this house clean!

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Working hard or hardly… wait how did I get here?

Some of the most unbelievable things have happened in my lifetime.

At the age of 15 I achieved a black belt 

At the age of 20 I graduated college.

At the age of 21 I landed a job in a doctors office, and three months later I am working as an x-ray assistant. It’s interesting to think about. My doctor said that landing that job right out of college is absolutely awesome. I guess it is! I’ve never actually been PROUD of the job I had. Yes working in a doctors office is an achievement enough, after only working in restaurants for most of my life. But to truly sit back and be like.. damn… who would have thunk it. I’m practically an adult!… not. haha I’m actually the youngest one back there. Everyone in the back of the house with me are in their 30’s and 40’s. it’s interesting to see how I fit in that mix, the 21 year old who has action figures glued to her dashboard, and obsesses over scifi movies and television shows. 

Do not get me wrong, this is an extremely stressful job. Absolutely it is the most stressful job I have ever been tied down to. And now that my boyfriend has opened his own business  and isnt going to be getting a steady paycheck every week like we have been use to… I have a feeling that my dream of becoming a fitness instructor anytime soon, isnt going to be happening. Thats okay though. I’m prepared to work my ass off for as long as I can possible handle it. 

I think I just handle stress different than the average person. Bucky’s buddy and mentioned it a couple times how when I come home, I’m never in a bad mood. But as my doctors have told me many times…. I am very atypical, and even though I never think I’m stressed out, my body shows otherwise. I’ll be in constant pain, and break out in hives. It’s the weirdest thing, but it’s becoming obvious how stressed out I am at work, and how I’m able to bottle it up until it leaks out…. via health issues. 

I never complain about work. Honestly I never complain about anything. I’ve never been much of a complainer about serious issues like my job. Usually all it takes is a break down on my halfhour drive home everyday after work, and then I’m good to carry on for another. 

This is life I suppose. It is never beautiful and perfect all the time. In every aspect.

But I love my boyfriend dearly, and he takes care of me in everyway I could ask him to. 

Life is good. Life is successful 

Gluttony day. Love it anyway.

This is my 21st Thanksgiving. 21 years of spending Thanksgiving at my grandparents house with my entire family. But this will be ther very first year that I will not only be having thanksgiving with my family, but also my boyfriends family. I’ve never felt so thankful in my life. I’ve never had so many things to be proud of. This is going to be the most wonderful day 🙂

EDIT:

I was right. The most amazing day with two amazing families. My throat is sore for all the laughing and loving life.  Never been more content with the world.

My amazing ThanksGiving consisted of:

Wasabi, edamame hummus.

Cucumber.

Sweet potato baked fries.

Steamed Broccoli.

And my homemade detox juice.

Suck it America. I dont play no games, no mater what the holiday.

 

Dont mess with a FanGirl’s Fandom.

You know what troubles me. Trying to figure out how I am going to break it to future generations that there exists not only 3 (for now) horrendous prequels to the Star Wars trilogy, but that in my day, there was a version of the original trilogy released with putrid CG effects, unnecessary cameos, the asinine liberties, and  I loved every second of it. Now Star Wars is completely remade with new effects and completely new scenes. Okay, I can handle this (simply because they do look completely badass) But I see many more changes in Star Wars. IF IT AINT BROKE, DONT FIX IT, DAMN IT!

As if enough wasn’t screwed up in the world, Disney went and bought the Star Wars franchise. Leave it alone Disney; don’t screw up a good series. Create another manufactured pop star or whatever you gotta do, just don’t continue the storyline after Return of the Jedi . All was right with the galaxy. The prequels were seriously treacherous enough. Let’s leave it that way.

The Future of Star Wars:

Star Wars Sequel Trilogy

Star Wars: Episode VII – 2015
Star Wars: Episode VIII – 2017
Star Wars: Episode IX – 2019

(Rumored)

I’ll always support Star Wars. And believe you me.. I went to Star Wars weekend at Disney and it was one of the most amazing days of my life. But what is Disney going to do with this new power over Star Wars. They can change it any way they want now… WHAT DOES THIS MEAN!? WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO MY WORLD?! The plus side– George Lucas has donated his 4.05 billion dollars of blood money to a good cause.