She’s not dead yet.

Life has come to a standstill for the last 7 days. I’ve spent 95% of this week glued to my couch infront of the TV. I’ve managed to watch 5 seasons and 8 episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. I’ve eaten about 3 gallons of egg drop soup, 1 jar of apple sauce, and 10 cans of tomato soup. My entire world of constant work, gym, work , gym, work, gym…. has come to a stand still. My body aches, and I feel absolutely worthless… not just physically worthless, mentally worthless. I look around me, and it’s driving me insane. I cant fix anything. I cant get comfortable. I’m going insane. All the little things are eating me up. I need to get away.

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Everything use to be so picture perfect, I use to have unlimited time for myself. If I wanted to tan, or get my nails done, or spend 400$ on a brand new phone because I was tired of my old one… shit, I could do it. I never had money problems and the only stress I had was college. I was living on my own, by myself, for a year. I went to be every night at 11, I kept my house spotless, I watched horror movies every night, and I would write in my journal as often as I could.

Now adays I spend more of my time talking about what had been instead of what is. I have nothing impressing to talk about. Nothing interesting or funny, or exciting had happened to me in pretty long time. I miss it.

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