One of the hardest parts of life, is deciding whether to try harder, or walk away, and in some instances, those decisions end up being the greatest choices you’ve made for yourself in a very long time.
After months of fighting with my heart, and pushing aside the inevitable, I am finally doing what I have been planning for myself for years. Moving far, far away from North Carolina. Permanently. With no one to convince me to do otherwise, this is my life. For the first time in too long, my life is being controlled by me, and not the opinions of others.
Things will get easier.
Tag Archives: Moving
The Runaway.
It’s very difficult to go back and read my old posts.
Since I had started this blog, I have been sliding deeper into a wormhole of mood swings, depression, self loathing, and all around mental instability.
I have never been like this. Not for this long. Of course like every woman in the world, I’ll go through stages (usually lasting a week at a time) of unhappiness, but when in lasts more than a couple months.. changes need to be made.
I don’t sleep.
I don’t eat.
I don’t put my whole heart into anything anymore, because I know I will be mocked for doing so.
I have never felt so lonely. I just want to run. I want to run as far away as my money will take me.
I would be leaving nothing behind.
The Plateau.
My best friends and I were texting today……
Now a little back ground on where by best friend is at in her life.. my best friend is one of the many military wives of San Diego. She moved to San Diego the same time I moved to Asheville, roughly 6 months ago. We had both moved to be with the one we loved (Although I cant really compare to what she has gone through, because she moved across country to be with her husband, and I moved an hour to be with by boyfriend of 4 months). 
Her husband has been deployed for roughly 4 months now, and he will still be deployed for 4 more months. She has moved for the first time in her adult life to the farthest point away without crossing an ocean, she moved without friends or family, and her husband shipped off in a matter of a few weeks after practically dropping her of in California. My best friend is one of the strongest women I’ve ever come to know.
Today we were discussing how we are both going through a point in our lives that is very plateau. We are both struggling pretty bad with keeping smiles on our faces, we’re both having a hard time pushing ourselves to get up every morning and convince ourselves its for a good reason.To think that our doors are exactly 2,331 miles (34 hours) apart from eachother, I feel like we are still sitting across the table from eachother, with our heavy hearts, in our favorite little restaurant in our old little town, ranting about our everyday lives and fixing eachothers problems with simple and honest advice.
We are both hoping that this little rough patch wears off. I just wish I was with her, so we could both rant about out problems, and then fix them with simple and honest advice…
When your life completely changes.
It sounds a little more drastic than it really is. It really isnt a big deal. I just flushed away the life I was living for the past 20 years. Completely threw it away, never to be lived again. . . even if I had to, I could never go back to the way life use to be..
Yeah you’re right. That sounds wicked dramatic. But this was exactly what I had been dreaming of doing since I was a child.
In July of 2012, I had become the first person in my family to pack up her bags, leave Franklin North Carolina, and create a new life. And might I add that never in my life would I have seen this coming. All I ever wanted to do, for as long as I can remember, was join the Air Force and travel the world. I really didnt know exactly what I was expecting to get out of the Air Force, but I always knew that was what I
was going to once I graduated college. I also had big dreams of moving to the beach, because I’m not allergic to the trees there. I have been saving huge chunks of my money since I was 14 to do that very thing. Move away from Franklin. I had been preparing for seven years to get out of there, and not once did I ever picture it being with a man. It didnt matter who I was dating, I always knew I would be moving, and I always pictured myself alone. I dont know how it managed to work itself out this way, but somehow, I met a man.
I met a man by the name of Bucky, on the very day I was going to take the ASVAB (Which is the test you must take to join the military). Looking back on that day I probably should have seen that as God punching me in the forehead and saying, “you idiot, your not REALLY joining the military.” But I just saw it as a unexpected surprise in my life. We didnt enjoy talking about me shipping off, we actually dodged the conversation most of the time. But he always assured me that he was willing to stick around as I traveled the world and risked my life. I never once thought a man would have changed my plans of the military, and I honestly don’t think he intended to.
Today I am living in the nicest home I’ve probably ever lived in. I have a difficult job that I never pictured myself doing, working in a doctors office, and I love it to death. I am in the greatest relationship I could have ever been blessed with, and I am living with the most extraordinary person I have ever met.
Life has never been so beautiful, and all I had to do was pick up and leave that town. It’s crazy how things just fell into place the way they did. Things couldnt have worked out more perfectly.
The Daily Barefoot 