The Runaway.

It’s very difficult to go back and read my old posts.
Since I had started this blog, I have been sliding deeper into a wormhole of mood swings, depression, self loathing, and all around mental instability.
I have never been like this. Not for this long. Of course like every woman in the world, I’ll go through stages (usually lasting a week at a time) of unhappiness, but when in lasts more than a couple months.. changes need to be made.
I don’t sleep.
I don’t eat.
I don’t put my whole heart into anything anymore, because I know I will be mocked for doing so.
I have never felt so lonely. I just want to run. I want to run as far away as my money will take me.
I would be leaving nothing behind.

When it’s over.

d5166c95ab04460296c8afd9bd957ef5_7After a period of time you begin to forget the tiny things that you’ve come to learn about someone.
You forget how he always would put 5 creamers in his coffee, and he refused to sleep without at least holding your hand. You only remember the bad things, and the stupid arguments. The fact that you enjoyed the same music becomes irrelevant and just the sound of his name makes you nauseous.
I’ve been through this so many times over the past few years, I’ve never wanted to be finished and done with such emotional holds on people so badly in my life.
I don’t think I am cut out for it at this point in my life.
At this moment I am on my way to San Diego for the week. To clear my head and try and figure my life out. I have my bestfriend and her advice for 7 days. In those 7 days, I have no choice but to make a decision. This is the line.