The Runaway.

It’s very difficult to go back and read my old posts.
Since I had started this blog, I have been sliding deeper into a wormhole of mood swings, depression, self loathing, and all around mental instability.
I have never been like this. Not for this long. Of course like every woman in the world, I’ll go through stages (usually lasting a week at a time) of unhappiness, but when in lasts more than a couple months.. changes need to be made.
I don’t sleep.
I don’t eat.
I don’t put my whole heart into anything anymore, because I know I will be mocked for doing so.
I have never felt so lonely. I just want to run. I want to run as far away as my money will take me.
I would be leaving nothing behind.

Mistakes made.

DSC_9187I cant do this anymore, baby.
This thing we call a relationship is falling apart before our eyes, and you don’t even seem care.
You have to see it. You have to see my hurt.

Baby, think I’ve given up.
I think I’ve stopped trying to impress you everyday.
I think I just can’t take your judgement anymore, baby. I just can’t shut up an watch you be demeaning towards — not only my friends, but your own.
I think I’m just done putting in every inch of effort I can muster, with nothing in return.
I think Im done expecting the minimum from you and getting even less
With hoping you would understand when you never even try too

I can’t stand telling you that I love you, or looking back on when you use to care for me over yourself
I’ve given you everything you wished for.. how could I possibly give up now.
I’ve never felt like I have been throwing so much of my life away, before.
This in the end
The end of my rope
The last of the straws
The finish of the spilt milk
I’m done

But please prove me wrong, baby.