You always hear the saying The calm before the storm, where as you’re basically anticipating hell swallowing you up. But you never hear the saying The calm after the storm… Where the sky is bright and sunny again, but you have all this damage that needs to be fixed, yet you’ve seen how bad it can get, and you’re just happy to be breathing.
And that, my friends, is where I’m at today. Happy. Happy to be breathing, and to have a man that loves me (even though he is a ridiculously talented lazy bastard). Happy to have my friends, and spend time with them (even though I have to travel to see them, and it’s very rare).
This weekend I spent a lot of time talking to my old buddies, the ones I use to throw down with every weekend, and we were all on top of the world.. Now everyone is “married”, not literally married, but at points in their lives that they have settled down with someone, they work everyday, and they stay in on the weekends. It hit me that I am not the only lame ass “married” chick out there. Everyone’s lives has settled down, and everyone is okay with that. That’s how life works, it doesn’t get to be fast passed for your entire life!
Once I realized this, I think I felt much better, knowing that no, I am not a complete lame ass, we are all growing up.
Saturday night I dressed up, and went out drinking with my bestfriend, we had a great time.. At least I did! I laughed an danced and chatted up with all my old buddies, it was exactly what I needed. My heart is a little more at ease, and I think everything is going to be just dandy. -A
Category Archives: Emotional
Peeved.
I am so fucking sick and tired of being around all of these negative people all the time. I am the most optimistic person I know, and there are very few things that annoy me as much as someone shooting me down with negative comments about everything I say and do. Have a fucking open mind and let me live my damn life how I want. -A
The Plateau.
My best friends and I were texting today……
Now a little back ground on where by best friend is at in her life.. my best friend is one of the many military wives of San Diego. She moved to San Diego the same time I moved to Asheville, roughly 6 months ago. We had both moved to be with the one we loved (Although I cant really compare to what she has gone through, because she moved across country to be with her husband, and I moved an hour to be with by boyfriend of 4 months). 
Her husband has been deployed for roughly 4 months now, and he will still be deployed for 4 more months. She has moved for the first time in her adult life to the farthest point away without crossing an ocean, she moved without friends or family, and her husband shipped off in a matter of a few weeks after practically dropping her of in California. My best friend is one of the strongest women I’ve ever come to know.
Today we were discussing how we are both going through a point in our lives that is very plateau. We are both struggling pretty bad with keeping smiles on our faces, we’re both having a hard time pushing ourselves to get up every morning and convince ourselves its for a good reason.To think that our doors are exactly 2,331 miles (34 hours) apart from eachother, I feel like we are still sitting across the table from eachother, with our heavy hearts, in our favorite little restaurant in our old little town, ranting about our everyday lives and fixing eachothers problems with simple and honest advice.
We are both hoping that this little rough patch wears off. I just wish I was with her, so we could both rant about out problems, and then fix them with simple and honest advice…
Wildly Inappropriate.
Go home winter, you’re drunk.
Thanks to the fact that I’ve been documenting every moment of my life since I was a tween, I’ve made some pretty obvious observations. Like the fact that every winter I get dreadfully hateful and borderline depressed.. and then every summer I feel like I’m the freakin king of the world and could take on a damn army single handedly.
Luckily this year I’ve have a couple of different variables in my life compared to the 20 other years. But I’ve definitely been feeling the stab of my traditional winter gloom. I’m really trying to keep a positive mindset until summer rolls around, because I’m sure my poor boyfriend is about ready to lock me in a closet.
On a different subject, I’m really considering picking up a second job. you know, cause my first job isn’t already dreadfully stressful, i dont have to deal with ridiculous people all day, it doesn’t take up all of my time, energy, and my sane mindset (sarcasm).
I just really, really miss waiting tables. I miss dealing with costumers, NOT patients… Okay really I just miss working 5 hours and making 100$.
Christmas has completely sucked me dry, and I really don’t want to start having money problems… Okay I really just want to be able to go out and not worry about how much I’m spending.
Ahhh the motivations of a 21 year old.
December Thirtyfirst.
The very last day of 2012. It’s at this point you may come to realize that the thing you’ve been wanting to do all year, will not be done. You’ve officially set this year in stone as of today.
Why dont you just dwell on this year. How did you do? How bad did you fuck up? Or how much did you achieve?
Personally. I think I did pretty damn good with only one year to make things happen. In a matter of one year, I was caught up in a very unhealthy romance. I had broken a heart. I had gone through depression. I had every one of my closest friend move away from me. I had met a stranger out of the blue, who I later started dating. I had graduated college. I had quit an amazing job after 3+ years. I had moved to Asheville, NC to live with a man I had only met 5 months earlier. I had moved away from my family for the first time in my life, becoming the first person in my family to move away from Franklin in 20 years . I had gotten a very ‘professional’ job at a doctors office. I had gotten a promotion. I had fallen in love. I had kept in contact with my closest friends. I had met a lot of people and learned many things, it’s unbelievable that so many changes could happen in a matter of 12 months.
But what now? What is this upcoming year going to bring me?
Every year I read about people’s New Year Resolutions. And usually it’s all talk.
It’s weird how everyone in the country feels like tomorrow is the official day to make positive changes in their life. I’ll never understand why the start of a year is a better time to make changes than anyother day in entire the world.
Oh your fat and unhappy? You’re totally right, why don’t you wait until January 1st to try and make things better and go to the gym. Because that’s the only day all year that you can try and better yourself….. No idiot. You should have made some life changes a long ass time ago.
January 1st should not be spent telling yourself that things are going to get better, it should be spent with you congratulating yourself on being successful and happy and making great choices in the past year.
I may never fully understand the human race and the traditions that we find necessary. Even when I was a young girl I thought New Years Resolutions were a load of crock.
In conclusion. Think about it. Why are you waiting until January 1st to better yourself? You had to have know this needed to happen a long time ago.
People are lazy. I struggle to act like I don’t care about how lazy people are.
Stop dreaming up ideas on how you could be smarter or nicer or more attractive. Just take care of yourself and put other people’s feelings before your own. It really can’t get much simpler than that. I promise.
Are you happy with your life?
Browsing through blogs, I came across the question..
“Are you happy with your life?”
It’s out of habit I’ve found myself answering,
“Oh yes absolutely! I’ve never been better in my entire life.”
Yet I still find myself looking back in the past, and missing it more than i am glad it’s over.
I miss how things use to be, and the fun I use to have. I miss my friends and being able to go out with them every weekend and laugh and enjoy life together.
These days I don’t see much of that anymore… Actually I don’t see any of that at all ever anymore.
I’ve found myself being very lonely. Even more lonely than that year I spent single and living by myself. I’ve found myself in Asheville with zero friends that I can spend time, and talk with. That’s all I want, just some good people, and to enjoy the cool things in my town. I’ve done almost nothing fun and interesting, in one if the most interesting towns.
I’m so frustrated, and becoming very.. Negative.. I guess you could say. There is nothing I look forward to anymore, except for the slight chance to hangout with some friends in Franklin over the weekend.
I’m hoping that once the Christmas season is over, things will get a little less stressful, and life with hopefully brighten up for me a bit. That’s really all I need right now.
Because for me being such an optimistic person, it’s extremely hard on my heart to be so pessimistic.
The Lord has blessed me.
Life has never been so beautiful.
So healthy, yet never well.
I’ve been really having problems with my health lately… Honestly I’ve been having problems with my health for years, but it’s really starting to show lately. It will always come in flairs, and I’m assuming this is a flair. I just cant seem to feel healthy lately. I’m constantly trying to push aside and ignore nausea, abdominal pain, and hives.
Everything I eat makes me feel sick, and nothing seems to help. I’m sick and tired of hearing myself complain about it. I’d rather just try and ignore it. I’m usually pretty good at that. It’s just so difficult to ignore pain, and not let if effect my everyday life. 
I take such good care of myself, considering the average american.
I exercise constantly.
I eat nothing but health food.
I pound back water all day long.
I’m always taking vitamins and supplements.
I’m practically a walking health magazine. You would think that being so strict on myself, I would have something more to show for it. Like GOOD HEALTH.
I spent so much time going to doctors for the past few years, if I never see the inside of another doctors office, I would be the happiest woman alive. I have never once had a doctor truly help me and relieve me of any pain. What makes me think that something might be different now.
I cant stand people feeling bad for me, or people trying to fix me. Id rather fix my own problems…. so far I’m not doing too well on that part.
Slightly Farther Away.
Today it’s really become clear to me how much I’m missing in my friends lives. The friends that I really feel the closest too, and the friends that have always been there for me. 
I dont really have anyone to go to when I just need to hangout and talk and spend time together. Go thrift shopping and spend time in little coffee shops eating and drinking over priced foods and not giving a shit because you’re enjoying yourselves.
I dont have many close friends, but the ones that I do have, I cant believe I’m living my life without them. I’ve always considered one of those cliché “I only have guy friends” girls. But right now I am truly and deeply missing my girlfriends. There arent many out there.. there actually is like only two out there. And I cant help myself but miss them more and more everyday I’m away from them.
One of those girls is the beautiful (inside and out), and amazing Savvy Selby. For a woman that I was never friends with while we lived in the same town, its amazing we have grown so close with so much distance between us. Savvy lives 11 hours away from me and means the absolute world to me.
The other woman who is the reason why I am who I am today, is Lindsey Newton. She is probably the greatest human being in my eyes, and I dont know where I would be without knowing her. 
It’s so difficult being so far away from her.
As of a few short months ago, she has moved almost 40 hours away from me. We have always been so busy throughout out lives, but now that we are apart, it’s like we never had enough time to be there for eachother.
Our lives have completely taken 360 degree turns into new lives, and we cant even bee with eachother every step of the way.
Its almost scary. I dont remember my life before her, and I never thought we would be apart.
I dont have any really close friends here right now. I’m actually pretty worried that I wont be able to fnd any close friends that I can truly relate too. All I do is spend time at the gym, go to work, and blog. Not really a lifestyle to be meeting people.
My boyfriend is great, but he isnt a friend. I cant talk to him about.. him. Or clothes and anything along those lines. It’s hard for him to understand I’m sure, but this is difficult for me.
And of course there is Foster. The closest male friend I have. It so difficult to not be
able to hangout with him every night at the gym. We had become such great friends over a matter of a couple of months. Foster lives 3 hours away from me, which doesnt seen like that big of a deal. But we almost never get to see eachother anymore. Out of all of my friends, he was the one that I was able to talk to everyday, no matter what out scheduled looked like. We always made time. And it’s always difficult to tell him that I cant hangout because my boyfriend doesnt trust him. It difficult.
The Daily Barefoot 