After reading my post yesterday, it’s pretty clear that I had an anxiety attack, not just splattered on my blog, but right there in my boyfriend’s car on my lunch break.
I just sat there shaking and crying. I couldn’t even explain why.
My attempt at words only came out in tears, painful tears that you feel in your throat. I don’t even know what was going on. By 7am I had already cried 3 separate times, and on my way to work, and while I was at work.
The only conclusion I could come up with was that I’ve just been extremely stressed out with work, lack of sleep, and home life, that I just had to have a break down.
I’m definitely still extremely tired, but not feeling like my world is coming to an end.
Trying to stay positive.
You always hear the saying The calm before the storm, where as you’re basically anticipating hell swallowing you up. But you never hear the saying The calm after the storm… Where the sky is bright and sunny again, but you have all this damage that needs to be fixed, yet you’ve seen how bad it can get, and you’re just happy to be breathing.
And that, my friends, is where I’m at today. Happy. Happy to be breathing, and to have a man that loves me (even though he is a ridiculously talented lazy bastard). Happy to have my friends, and spend time with them (even though I have to travel to see them, and it’s very rare).
This weekend I spent a lot of time talking to my old buddies, the ones I use to throw down with every weekend, and we were all on top of the world.. Now everyone is “married”, not literally married, but at points in their lives that they have settled down with someone, they work everyday, and they stay in on the weekends. It hit me that I am not the only lame ass “married” chick out there. Everyone’s lives has settled down, and everyone is okay with that. That’s how life works, it doesn’t get to be fast passed for your entire life!
Once I realized this, I think I felt much better, knowing that no, I am not a complete lame ass, we are all growing up.
Saturday night I dressed up, and went out drinking with my bestfriend, we had a great time.. At least I did! I laughed an danced and chatted up with all my old buddies, it was exactly what I needed. My heart is a little more at ease, and I think everything is going to be just dandy. -A