I watch from afar.

In the five months that I’ve been here, I’ve watched every one if my closest friends cry and struggle over the infatuation of a man.
I’ve held my friends tight, and poured them wine, and watched them puke into a toilet, as they sob over a man they thought cared for them.

This is why I’m single.

I find myself repeating over and over in my head.

I can’t bring myself to go through that heartache again. But at the same time, I realize how unusual it is for me to be heart broken. I’ve watched people do some crazy stuff over a relationship that had lasted as long as my period. I’ve never become so attached so quickly.

Sometimes it’s good to have a cold heart.
Sometimes it’s good to be heartless.

Was it real.

DSC_8550People would constantly tell me, ” Wow, I had no idea you guys were struggling. You’re an incredible actress.”

They said these things because all they saw were loveless pictures, such as this one.

What they didnt know was that the majority of this day I spent holding back tears.

I remember the silent drive home, and crying myself to sleep that night. I was so unhappy and depressed. And he wasnt bothered by it.

Thats all I remember when I look at these pictures.

Were we even happy, baby? Was it all for show?