In a matter of 8 days I’ve had a great deal happen to me that has caused a shift in my attitude. A shift in my approach towards men and life in general.
Before I moved, my mom pointed her finger at me and said, “Six months Annie. You can’t date for six more months!”
We both laughed, she would never have actually meant it, but at this moment I am creeping up on month number 5. The idea of being with a man makes me sick.
I can’t hold, or kiss, or care for any man that wants me to.
I spend so much effort pushing away the hearts of sweet innocent men that are only hoping for a chance to change my mind.
They can’t change my mind.
No one can change my mind.
The most perfect man could knock on my door right now, and I still would turn him away, with ease and grace.
Men are constantly pursuing me, and I am constantly running.
I’ve gained the reputation of being a horrible texter. A horrible replier. A horrible communicator.
When simply enough, I just do not want to communicate with them. I don’t want to communicate with any of them.
I don’t want to date them, or go out with them, or hug them, or sit next to them. Nothing. I just want to be alone. Please.
Please just leave me alone.
You boys are only going to get hurt.
I fixate on my phone screen. Scrolling through the slew of notifications I had received within one hours time.
First I started with my phone calls, listen to the short voicemail.
I check Instagram, Twitter, and if I’m feeling good, maybe even Facebook.
I open my text messages, I read them all. Yet reply to non.
I close out my phone and return it to the wall charger.
I turn on music and drift away from digital social life.
And I ask myself. Are all these new forms of communication really helping us communicate?
Yesterday I spent over 4 hours on the phone with people I thoroughly enjoy talking to.
In one of the conversations I had with a sweet gentleman from Tennessee, we discussed communication today, compared to when we were younger.
We are both in our twenties, and so we got to see both sides of the spectrum.
Talking for hours on the house phone with your best friend, pacing in a corner because the cord would only give you about two yards of leeway.
Today your bestfriend is the person you posted a meme on their Facebook wall, and LOL at.
Usually for the worse.
Do we still know how to communicate?
Do we know how to have long conversations?
Discuss everything, and nothing.
No spellcheck, or editing.
Just our lips. Just the first thing that comes to mind.
Lets open up.
Lets dig deep into our hearts.
Lets talk about it.